I didn't even recognize who I was anymore, I was so busy trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, yet, I never stopped to ask myself, "why am I changing who I am." When I realized I had lost myself, and was ready to just give it all up, I showed up and found myself.
Ever been there? Getting there isn't easy. Reaching that 'point' isn't something I'd wish on anyone. Life just has a way of testing you and testing you... and in some ways, trying to break you.
I felt broken. Mentally, spiritually. I doubted me. A higher power. I doubted myself as a dad. A man. A partner. My skillset at work which has literally unlocked the world for me - and for my family.
I even just at one point was ready to just give up and walk away.
And then, it hit me.
I wasn't being me. I let other things try to change me. But changing me wasn't me being... well... me.
That's when things changed. I'm not out of the woods, but I found myself again in the very basics which have always carried me...
... the basics of who I am.
And so I got back to the basics of the once missing version of myself. I went analogue in a digital world to remind myself that, well, I can.
And so I did.
I got back to the "flawless execution" of those basics. Removed variables. Obstacles.
To quote my friend Eric, I got back on offense.
I don't know if you need to read this. I don't know what you are going through but maybe you are going through something like I went through. The last 13 months or so have been, well, impossible.
Impossible is something I do well.
A singer named Rodney Adkins, paraphrasing Sir Winston Churchill, sang a song. If you're going through hell... keep going.
Keep going. And you will be the you which you've always dreamed of. As long that dream... is your dream.
I'm going to share some of my personal, virtual diary for you. If you want to read more, follow the links. You'll find it. Maybe it will help you. Writing it nightly and posting it the next morning... sure has helped me.